No rudder tho.Originally Posted by ew_perry
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No rudder tho.
I wanna ride!
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Motorboat skill allowed!No rudder tho.
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A side from the weather Saturday morning to afternoon, Great time great people. Thanks to all that put it together. Note to self. Bring ear plugs(bad word filters) for my youngest Gabe AKA "Kickstand" dubbed by Steve Holland. Thanks again! Kickstands vocabulary was just expanded in the in the worst way. LOL!
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Auggie, it's a damn good thing Kickstand is done with school for the year. If not, you would undoubtedly be getting a call from the principal's office today. I doubt that I said *ANYTHING* that would be of concern but just in case I happened to let an inappropriate slur slip by my lips in Young Kickstand's presence, please accept my apologies. Hopefully, you spent the 3-hr car ride home explaining how Dirt and others are bound for an eternity of telling jokes to the devil in the pits of hell for having such dirty mouths and that lest he wants a similar fate, he will forget that this weekend ever happened. You and Janel are such great parents!
As for the weekend: The turn from despair to drunken stupor to jubilation to anxiety to exhaustion, to mindlessly buzzed to survival mode is quite certainly a toll I will never put my body or spirit through ever again. So, we pull into camp and it looks like a scene straight from the Amazon rain forest: splashing through puddles, we arrive at a camp full of wet cats, wet rats, and seemingly pointless Festers scattered about. The mood under the 8'x8' "shelter" where about 20 people were standing shoulder to shoulder was about as glum as a funeral parlor. Hell, Ray and Sorya were already packed up with the motor running. I thought to myself (and out loud about 50 times - Sorry Jimithing) "Can't believe I woke up at 4AM and left my kids behind to go drink in the G%@d*#!** rain - Oops! Sorry - who brought the kid?!?" Left with no options other than to stare at the rainfall, I did what any other non self-respecting FORCer would do: I cracked open about 12 consecutive beers without breathing in between. Somebody was gonna have fun today come hell or high water, damnit! Thus, the day turned from despair to drunken stupor in about 30 minutes. Then, as if touched by the gods of mountain biking, Ranger Jesus (pretty sure that was his actual name) showed up at camp, told us the trails were open and to have fun. Instantly, I started to sober up by drinking one.more.beer. Desperation? Check. Drunken Stupor? Check. Jubilation? Check. All by 1:59 in the afternoon. We're just getting started people...
For the sake of time and for my job (gotta get to work) I'm going to fast-forward through the rest, but first: This is the one part about the trip that sucked: In our drunken haste, we did forget to let the peeps who didn't stick around Sat morning to listen to my stupid Little Johnny jokes know that the trails were opened. Some were off doing their own thing. A head's up from us would have been nice. Sorry 'bout that. Really I am. In my defense, I was so slammed at 3:00 when we hit the trailhead that I think it was an hour later before I realized that I was actually riding my bike on trails and not just dreaming of riding trails while passed out on my zero gravity chair.
This brings me to anxiety: Not since the last time I tried burning down an ant hill with a magnifying glass in 3rd grade have I seen life forms move as quickly as I did on Saturday at 2:00. Freakin' Ranger Jesus hadn't even gotten both feet back into his Jeep and Loud Paul already was lock, stock and two smoking barrels with chamois on, Camelback loaded, and eye black smeared all over his face. By 2:15, Richard and Jennie were doing Yoga and by 2:20, AG hollers out, "Bus is leaving!" WTF?!? Was the world coming to an end? Were we afraid Ranger Jesus was going to change his mind before he left the campsite? ****. I was still in my chair thinking about sobering up when AG started his engine. Guess I better slam the rest of this beer, stick a finger down my throat, and here we go!! Anxiety? Going from drunk to 100% full speed...Yeah. Full on anxiety. [I think I've forgotten all about the fast forward thing..]
From there, we rode 25 miles at a brisk pace. My body did tune into what was happening by the time we got to the connector trail. By the time we got back my legs were ready to explode. Exhaustion. Back to camp. Mindlessly buzzed (impossible to get drunk again after being blitzed at noon then riding myself sober). Sleep. Wake up. Do it again in survival mode.
Awesome experience. Sweet trails - really, really sweet trails. Most hootin' and hollerin' I've done since that time I first laid eyes on the Farmboy jumping a fire naked pic. Great company. Very sorry about the dummy oversight of not letting others know of the coming of Ranger Jesus. Awesome food. And nothing like corrupting the mind of America's future. Poor kid will never look at the letter W the same again...
WOMB! WOMB! WOMB!!!!!!
Dirt Don't Hurt
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DAM* that's a great story, hilarious, excellent time, beercan/bottle induced lovely stooper, hazy memories -- too bad we missed it. My wife wanted a tropical honeymoon (Costa Rica & Panama -- read not Amazon but R-A-I-N, heat, humidity). Don't get me wrong we thoroughly enjoyed it and all activities. You're all back here enjoying these good holiday events, and the QC area great weather & trail conditions, in one of my fav two months in QC, May & September. No Ranger Jesus, but we did see Jesus Lizards (literally walk on water). The tropics; and we missed this hilarious adventure. Excuse me whilst I go slap myself.
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